Getting Older

Tonight is Saturday and I bet most people are glued to the television watching some big college football game.  I actually entertained myself tonight by giving my  doodle a bath in my new walk-in shower.  If you don’t have one, I am here to say it is an amazing invention.  Mine smacks of handicappedness (Is that a word?) because I have a regular shower head and a handicapped one.  The handicapped one is for my doodle.  It makes the whole activity so much easier!

While I was in the midst of sitting on my little stool in the shower bathing Ozzie, I thought about all the things that no one ever told me about getting older.  I am hitting the big 68 in January.  I have learned a LOT about getting older as the years go by and generally it was through self-discovery.  Sometimes my swim buddies who are also in their 60’s share a tidbit or two with me.  It can be a very freeing time! So-wine glass in hand-here with go with a few things I have learned about getting older that I think is worth sharing.

When you were a little girl, did you ever see a woman with this HUGE black hair sticking out of her nose or chin? For me, it was a lunchroom lady at my school.  What is it with that black hair?  Why doesn’t she pluck it out? Well, warning number one is that one day you will wake up with a HUGE black hair sticking out of your chin or under you chin and you will not notice it.  This is probably due to the fact that you are not wearing your glasses and you can’t see it.  Or it is in the shadow of your chin.  When it becomes two or three inches long, you will see it and be horrified.  Why did NO ONE tell me about that hair? Because it has roots all the way to your toes, it will hurt like anything if you pluck it out.  Shaving it off is easier!  Trust me.  And you need to be aware that it will sneak to another part of your face or neck or chin and pop out there.  You will also need to know that it grows like crazy-maybe three inches overnight.  If you don’t find it at the three inch stage, it can grow long enough to be curled with your curling iron!

Warning number two, is almost an opposite kind of thing.  You will go from shaving your legs every single day to having no hair to shave at all.  Yep! That is right.  You will quit shaving your legs and underarms because there is nothing there to shave off.  In the winter, I can go sometimes 2-3 months.  In the summer, I try to remember to shave once a month.  Or not.  No shaving is kind  of a nice perk! And while we are on the hair thing, let’s not forget that bikini area.  Not much going on there either.  No waxing/shaving is needed when no hair is growing! Yippee!

Warning number three is an awkward kind of thing.  Years ago I saw a book in a book store that was titled something like “Everybody Farts”. In actual life, individuals do that activity about 14 times a day.  Well as hard as it is to say, this activity actually increases as you get older and sometimes they just “sneak” out. Like when you are in public and with a friend or during the silent prayer at the end of Bible study. All you can hope for is that it escapes quietly! What is going on with that embarrassing accident? Well, it happens and you just have to deal with it.  Maybe the room noise will cover this oops.  Maybe not.  Oops! Excuse me!!

So if you are now smiling because you are YOUNG and think this is crazy-well just keep living that dream! And if you are OLD and you are laughing, then I know I told the truth!